Ok so the word of the week is Depression.
The emotions are raw, the pain is unbearable, and through it all,there is the nagging feeling of guilt, why? because you know that you should not feel this sway, because you should be happy that you have what you have, that there are others going thru worse, because if your loved ones knew how feel or understood you, they would listen better, or would judge you more. there is no right answer.
I can tell you that in my world I have heard many responses as to why depression is wrong, “you’re a Latina, Latinas don’t go thru depression, that’s just you being lazy.” “you are just over thinking it.” “you’ll feel better once things change.” and my personal favorite “Depression is for the weak.” we have heard of celebrities taking their lives because of depression, and it makes us sad but we leave it at that, not until recently have I seen my friends and acquaintances talk about the issue, and say “I have depression.” and to be honest I was in the same place, knowing what I know, feeling what I feel but not wanting to admit that it is there, that it is real. My response was always i’m fine, because it gets to the point that if keep saying how I really feel, I begin to see distance, and awkward looks and so I’m fine just seems to keep it simple, after all who wants to keep hearing I’m in pain, I’m sad, I’m not good, I’m (sigh) ok. I am fine becomes easier, no need to explain, or elaborate.
But the reality is depression is a real health issue that needs treatment, and treatment can be holistic or traditional medicine, or spiritual healing, I can’t tell you what is better, but I can say that no matter what you choose please choose something, a form of help, get a support system, and stop saying “I’m Fine!” because you know you are not fine , and the more you hide it the worse it will feel, I have learned to write about how I feel digging deep into what has brought me to this point, and I have sunny days and days of thunderstorms that make me want to just hide in the attic til next spring, even if I am in spring,
Do it for you, put you first because that is the only way to figure out how to get out into the real world, I am not there yet, it takes time, I know and I hope that one day I can see the blue skies again with out feeling guilty about enjoying it.
I am happy that more and more of us are speaking about it, don’t hide under that (I’m fine) mask, I wish our celebrities who could not find help would still be here, as one of my friends put it ” get help talk about it, don’t keep it to yourself, it only hurts more. because the reality is no matter your social status depression touches everyone.
No it is not a race thing or a gender thing or an age thing, it is very real and very damaging to the one suffering, get help quickly. if you are not fine if the sky is dark in the middle of a beautiful spring morning and you rather hide and close the door; its time to get help. The best part is that help is there you just need to find it. speak up ask for it, don’t wait any more. we are not super human we have emotions, we have pain, we have shadows, we have alter egos,and and split personalities, the only way to find ourselves is to get help. Help! say it; I need help! and no I am not fine!
Be blessed, be happy, be you happy, not guilty or scared.