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To Our Class Of 2020!

This is for YOU! 

Dedicated to My children of Durango Highschool Choir Las Vegas NV.

For all the hard work that got you here;
for the four years of homework and last-minute projects, the performing arts presentations
the sports events, social activities,
for moving forward to the next chapter in life,
for staying strong in these challenging times.

Though it may feel like some things have been denied to you this year; important traditions and rites of passage that are once in a lifetime events such as High School Graduation!

We want you to know that we have not forgotten all your hard work, all the missed events, the last moments of high school life, and the harsh push to grow up quickly.
Take a moment and breathe in the childhood memories that all seniors take with them at graduation. Cherish them and hold them close to your heart.
Move forward with your head held high; though we may not get to see you walk, we will honor your achievement.

Today: Let’s celebrate YOU!

Parents and friends let’s take a moment to congratulate our seniors and give them that highlight that says: You Did It!
Graduation ceremonies across the nation will not take place, but we can make it unified by letting them know what they mean to us.
Let them know that it is a SPECIAL and an IMPORTANT moment for us too!

Here today, this is for our CLASS OF 2020:
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU DID IT!
WAY TO GO!

A little bit about me

Who am I? well I am about as close to the perfect human as a cat is from a chicken, I find that I love to talk about me but the reality is I don’t know where to start.

The cause for it is because I have a very broken history.  How?  well everyone has a story to tell and so do I, But I feel that my story is too much of a soap opera. Why? because of how I came in to the world. But that story is for a later time.

Today I want to talk about what we are all talking and thinking about. The elephant in the room, or not in the room to be exact,  I mean here we are, 3 weeks into the quarantine, but I’ll be honest it was not until I heard what numbers could be reached on a death toll, that I really began to panic I went thru that whole what if part of panic and being the age i am,and the health state i’m in. I was simply afraid of what we are facing and what is at the other end of this pandemic I feared death, last week I sat there and told my kids that our relatives were all OK, that they are being safe and staying in their homes, we talked about grandpa, both grandmas, aunts and uncles, and cousins; but in the back of my mind is the thought that one person has not been accounted for, and I may never know if he is in any danger. I may never know if his family is safe. I can hope, I can pray that he will be alright. I’m talking about my father; I never met him, and some years ago he was able to tell me to stay away; during the course of a brief phone call and that is how it will be, but I still feel like something is missing.

I can’t help but wonder;  in these situations do estranged families ever unite? I see the work of strangers towards the community, towards neighbors they have never met, and it’s beautiful to see the good hearted people at work. It encourages me to believe in the good of humanity.  I have hope that once all this is over we will be more united toward each other.  I have told my friends and my family too that once this is over we need to get together and have a great celebration of life.  We need to replant the earth and bring God into our homes and our hearts not for our glory but for his. To my father I say “may you be blessed and safe and may your family be protected”.  I hope I have taught my children to love and respect one another. Love nature and life. and the entire world around us.

May this pandemic be over soon and may we all come to realize that life is too short to hold a grudge, or to be estranged  from each other, after all we are children of the same world.

Never meeting someone does not mean you never cared, but telling them to go away means it did matter. Good or Bad it meant something.

 “Do all the good you can, for all the people you can, in all the ways you can, as long as you can.” — Hillary Clinton

New Meanings

Breathe free! at this point in time I feel like even breathing is very limited, it’s hard to feel free in any way. I still work at the office we haven’t been closed yet we are (essential). My loved ones are safe at home, but i can feel how restricted we are, because the reality is; we are questioning what was I exposed to, while out there? what have I brought in? I am not exposed to much really except my coworkers who I have to trust are practicing safety too. My field of work is not in anyway like the store clerks, or any of our heroes in the frontlines of care, but it is hard to be free. I miss the beach days, the mountain air or just walking over to the lake, I moved to this town in hopes of living a life of outdoor freedom, though I did not do much of it because of work schedules, I did have some amazing weekends since we moved here 6 months ago.

Open is the word i’m waiting for, open to the public, open for business, open to breath, the more we stay closed the sooner we can be out in the open again.

Open means having the freedom to go places without restrictions, open to see the sights, talk to people, shop, walk and simply sit under a tree at the park while the rest of the people walk by. Open means freedom and health. I did not realise how much I took for granted every detail of my life until now. I have a clear picture of the things I need to change. I am restlessly waiting for the doors to open to the world again.

I miss the open world. with its borders and limitations, with its beauty that is still there. I saw a sunrise the other day and a sunset yesterday but I saw them from a window, Its ok I guess I must be thankful that I can see it. I do hope that our world will be open, once this situation is under control. open for humanity to rise again to the beauty of the great creation we can call “the open world”. The picture included here is of an evening around christmas with the mall parking lot filled with traffic, and the other an event that took place one year ago with my family and friends. I miss the open air activities.

Open Air

One Emotional Week!

It has been a rollercoaster of a week, it started with me putting out my first blog post in months making me feel all jittery and nervous. Am I right to do this? do I have what it takes to call myself a blogger, then once it was out there was no turning back its out. my therapy is going well, im looking to begin a Zumba class, and my cat is beginning to enjoy home, followed by the drama of not knowing if my dog is going to be allowed in my new building, aggressive they say, troublemaker say my neighbors, barks a lot and runs out all the time. all this accusations, because one day he barked at one person who got too close and seemed to be out of sorts, the person who accused dmy dog began to tell my child that she need to take control of that MUTT, (he was yelling at her). My husband and son came down to check on them, and he yelled at them too. my puppy (10 months old) never gets out without a leash and has never been out on his own, on top of that he is always indoors unless we take him to the park, we walk him 4 times a day. he rarely barks. He is a basset hound mix. so the week has been an emotional one, oh and I have allergies, bad ones.

Just when I thought it might be all over I received an email that tells me that there may be a way to work it out. It’s not clear yet but like any other drama there is always a chance at things getting better. I am tired very tired both emotionally and physically. I pray that we do get the results we expect out of the puppy story. I will keep you posted.

So Happy Valentines Day! I hope everyone had a nice day to celebrate friends and loved ones. I spent the day at work. It’s a holiday weekend so have a great one and make sure that all you do is surrounded by love and joy. The sky’s still blue and the emotions were raw over the week but overall there is a ray of hope, my puppy is going to be ok.

Any chocolates left? in need of several now, maybe ice cream? Ok coffee it is….

One More Day, One More Hope.

Beginnings are always hard. where to start, how to take that first step, or what will be the outcome, how do I know if this is the right thing to do? A million questions haunt you. This is how the mind of a person who is troubled by existence works, well at least this is how my mind works. I feel ready to go and sure of the decision I have made and before I begin I am again doubting that this is the right thing to do. I was recently told that one way to take that step is simply to take it. there is no other way, you either do or don’t but you can not spend your time just going in circles trying to figure out if today is the day.

As I prepare for the next step in my plan to be a successful freelancer I find that I have more question than answers, and the main reason for it is because I am very insecure about what decisions I make for myself. I know what I want, I know where I need to go, what I need to do. I always want to have the approval of others and always feel that if I do something wrong someone will get their feelings hurt.

Here we go take the plunge:

This blog page began a couple years ago with the intent to be of inspiration and hope for those of us that need to have that little bit of inspiration on a daily basis, something to give us a ray of light when we are so fogged out that it is too hard to notice the blue skies outside.

I am here giving it one more try, but this time I have reinforcements I am giving myself a fighting chance by getting help to be able to help. I cannot come to you to offer sunlight if I myself can’t see it. As of today I declare that I will make this a great day. You can only be as successful as you want to be; block the road, turn off the light and you can stay right where you are, it’s all you; at least that’s how I see it for me. nobody stopped me. I stopped myself.

I have real life experiences that can only be understood by me, tragedies that are only tragic to me, dark roads that I chose to travel, memories that I choose not to forget. and like me there are many people with similar emotions and reasons to be DEPRESSED; and none of it is really their fault its just that many times we just don’t know how to cope, its not knowing how to deal with it, the real reason we have emotional problems.

As time passes me by I begin to realize that there is more to life than all those demons that haunt me, but I am so out of control that I actually believe that I will not able to move unless I have those demons with me as I try to move to lighter days. It has taken a life time to come to this realization, and now I see that with the right support you can move forward and not feel guilty about it. Life is complex all on its own without families making it even more so by teaching us about guilt and sin and all those negatives that are taught to us in childhood. I hope that my children know that there is a better way to live that does not need to be so lonely and complicated. I say to you: today is a good day, and tomorrow more so, all it takes is to take the plunge and know that its ok because it is all for you. I am moving forward hope to see you again tomorrow as we walk out to see the blue skies, the singing of the birds in spring and the blooming flowers of the garden so long ago forgotten.

See you soon.

An ant’s life is about hard work

Our planet, our earth, our world. As a human race we take possession of everything we can get our hands on. I try to acknowledge the fact that it is not just my world, but that of the all the species that live in it, the animals, the plants and all the microscopic life that we cannot see. This world is a complex one, but many of the species thrive no matter how hard it might be.

It’s lunch time and the room is full of people, go about their meal, and the atmosphere is heavy as they want to release the tension of the morning calls. I have been going to eat at this little garden by the parking lot. There are no actual seats, but the little wall that holds up the garden makes for a good spot beneath a tree that gives good shade from the 107-degree heat of the city. As I enjoy my meal, I began to take notice of the natural life that surrounded me. There were pigeons, brown wild birds, and even a couple hummingbirds. On the ground there were some ants, and even a little beetle, but it was the ants that caught my attention. They walked as if on an invisible marked path. I accidentally dropped a cookie crumb; it was quite big, maybe the size of two grains of rice.

I watched this little ant come around to the crumb, and as if measuring it, the ant moved around it, then walked back to the edge of the curb. The tiny creature came back around and picked up the crumb, then began its journey around the pebbles, over the branch, under the leaf and up a twig where it fell and dropped the crumb, into a tiny ditch. The ant went passed the twigs and leaves that filled the ditch and found its crumb laying on top of a small bottle cap. The tiny creature went about picking up the crumb, then proceeded to move on to its destination.

As I watched this ant make its way home, I was mesmerized by the technique, and I couldn’t help but think, ‘Why do we stay at a standstill for a lack of trying? Why do we as humans give up so easily?’ Not all of us; but the truth is that a high majority do. We sometimes lack the motivation to make our goals complete. The mindset of the ant is to get the food home, no matter what it takes. The heat of the afternoon sun on the concrete didn’t faze it, the heavy weight of the load it carried was not an issue, it had a mission to accomplish.  I have always admired the gumption of those who live by the mottoes “early to bed, early to rise” or “the early bird catches the worm.” I can get up early but never make it to bed early. And the lack of sleep causes me to be tired and sleepy I am sure that it happens to others. If only they could stop to see an ant at work, they might be open to change.  I have been inspired by an ant to change my current state. To work hard for my goals and dreams. only thru hard word work will success be achieved.

I’m fine!

Ok so the word of the week is Depression.

The emotions are raw, the pain is unbearable, and through it all,there is the nagging  feeling of guilt, why? because you know that you should not feel this sway, because you should be happy that you have what you have, that there are others going thru worse, because if your loved ones knew how feel or understood you, they would listen better, or would judge you more. there is no right answer.

I can tell you that in my world I have heard many responses as to why depression is wrong, “you’re a Latina, Latinas don’t go thru depression, that’s just you being lazy.”    “you are just over thinking it.” “you’ll feel better once things change.” and my personal favorite “Depression is for the weak.” we have heard of celebrities taking their lives because of depression, and it makes us sad but we leave it at that, not until recently have I seen my friends and acquaintances talk about the issue, and say “I have depression.” and to be honest I was in the same place, knowing what I know, feeling what I feel but not wanting to admit that it is there, that it is real. My response was always i’m fine, because it gets to the point that if keep saying how I really feel, I begin to see distance, and awkward looks and so I’m fine just seems to keep it simple, after all who wants to keep hearing I’m in pain, I’m sad, I’m not good, I’m (sigh) ok.  I am fine becomes easier, no need to explain, or elaborate.

But the reality is depression is a real health issue that needs treatment, and treatment can be holistic or traditional medicine, or spiritual healing, I can’t tell you what is better, but I can say that no matter what you choose please choose something, a form of help, get a support system, and stop saying “I’m Fine!” because you know you are not fine , and the more you hide  it the worse it will feel, I have learned to write about how I feel digging deep into what has brought me to this point, and I have sunny days and days of thunderstorms that make me want to just hide in the attic til next spring, even if I am in spring,

Do it for you, put you first because that is the only way to figure out how to get out into the real world, I am not there yet, it takes time, I know and I hope that one day I can see the blue skies again with out feeling guilty about enjoying it.

I am happy that more and more of us are speaking about it, don’t hide under that (I’m fine) mask, I wish our celebrities who could not find help would still be here, as one of my friends put it ” get help talk about it, don’t keep it to yourself, it only hurts more. because the reality is no matter your social status depression touches everyone.

No it is not a race thing or a gender thing or an age thing, it is very real and very damaging to the one suffering, get help quickly. if you are not fine if the sky is dark in the middle of a beautiful spring morning and you rather hide and close the door; its time to get help. The best part is that help is there you just need to find it. speak up ask for it, don’t wait any more.  we are not super human we have emotions, we have pain, we have shadows, we have alter egos,and and split personalities, the only way to find ourselves is to get help. Help!  say it; I need help! and no I am not fine!

Be blessed, be happy, be you happy, not guilty or scared.

Beauty

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The day finally arrived, off to the airport we went, this trip had been in the works for two years, here we were packed and ready to go. I realized that the more I gave in the more I felt at ease with my self, I knew that the daily worries of everyday life would still be there when we came back, and the monsters under my bed had attempted to follow me, but for the first time in a long time I was willing to ignore the tribulations of daily life and take in the view from a different culture.   I looked at the view out my window and told myself that the radiant beauty of the present I was living had to take up all the space available and that in the near future I would be back to worrying about life in general but for now, for today I was in paradise and that needed to be acknowledged.

The past 10 days were about nature, beauty, and peace, I learned that to enjoy life, you must be at peace

with yourself, and to accept the reality you have made for your everyday life, change is always in our hands. If we choose to sit and let things be what they are, we will never be happy, because doing what we must; but not what we could, may lead to self-regret, I also discovered that by procrastinating I am simply closing doors that might lead to that paradise that I hope for every day. I hold the key to my happiness and in turn that happiness can be spread to those around me. I have been sitting idle for a long time now, and truth be told as much as I hate it, I am quite comfortable because let’s admit it we are almost always afraid of change even if that means a better view.

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This trip opened my eyes to the reality that I have made for myself, and thought it is not the place I wish to be it is the door to the place I want to reach, hard work and spiritual healing are the way to begin clearing the road to a life of self-acceptance in a world filled with negativity, I have learned that it is up to me to make it or break it. each one of us is born with a bag full of strategies to succeed, and as children, we use them each and every day, but as we grow; the rules and regulations of others block our paths and we grow up to be just like them, sometimes not for the better.

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Our ancestors were willing to work hard, rise early and be proactive, and not let others and their fears or bad attitude inflict upon them or guilt them to act differently, they pushed forward in the name of self-assurance, I come from a long line of hard-working people, not the recent lines but the ones who came from the land the ones who knew no technology, the ones who picked corn of the fields, and washed laundry up the river. I wonder where in my life did I forget all of that, and so I can say that these past few days have opened my eyes to a reality that I had put under my bed in hopes to one day I would see it grow all on its own, I am getting up to claim all that I know I can achieve, today is the day, that day that began four months ago and that I chose to sweep under the rug for another day. Come with me and let’s find ourselves, its time to find out who we are and where we come from. Thank you to all who made this trip a precious moment in my life.

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Procrastination

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Month 3; here I am waiting for that miracle to happen, and though I know that it is up to me to make it happen, I continue to sit here simply waiting.  I had forgotten about the early bird, the first sunrise, and even the whisper of the morning. I had forgotten that Air, Water, Fire, and Earth are here to see us become what we set out to be. that we are our own miracle in this chaotic environment.

When we set out to triumph we make a plan and stick to it, others we just think about being successful and sit to wait and see our dreams come true. I have finally gotten out of bed and I intend to make this dream a reality, but working on that goal will be a long and difficult feat. My spiritual belief is that it is time to make a patch of land a part of me, not just for a place to live but a place to give my soul stability. all those insecurities need to be put to rest, there’s no “maybe, what if, and if I can”, its time to start creating my own magic, my own results, my approach must be direct, no tip-toeing around the hard work.

The reason for me writing this here is because now you are my audience and nobody should leave the audience waiting, therefore my intent is to begin making my journey a reality, This coming week is a very exciting one, I shall keep you posted on events of the day, Today I open my heart, mind, and soul to the blessings that the earth has been holding for me.

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The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.

                                                                                      Walt Disney
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/walt_disney_131640

Getting Lost

I love nature and have discovered that my city has many natural wonders and others that have been placed by man. but even those are very spiritual, Today I will share with you the backyard of my city, we live in Las Vegas and of course it’s all about the glam and glitz, but for those of us who live here, there is a getaway that is just minutes away, sadly not many of us know about it.

I like to drive and so after having been here and feeling the heat I needed a getaway and this is what I have discovered. minutes away in any direction the city has beautiful parks that can let you forget about the hustle and bustle of the big city, then you have the mountains, heading to Red Rock, or even Mount Charleston, there is also  a lake, and so in just a matter of minutes us locals can find a place to recharge our batteries, to bring our spirit back  to a stable condition.

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A Day at Calico Basin

As you make your way through the city you will discover that beyond the city skylights there is in any direction a place where nature lives happily, even in the desert heat, and city lights. come and see our backyard, it is beautiful and full of life. oh and yes most of these beauties I have found them because I got lost on the road to other activities, so I took the directions to them and came back with the family to share with them the majestic sights that I had found.

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Hoover Dam Nevada side

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Sunset Park, Las Vegas

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Calico Basin Springs

 

Uprooted

 One suitcase, one plane ticket and a plan for a new life. That’s how most of the time our lives change. 

    In our world, a large number of people have had to leave behind a life they know and love, for the chance at a life that might prove to be better, and at some point in their lives, they’ve had to ask themselves: “Is this really better?” In many parts of the world, there is a person celebrating an anniversary, one that marks a goodbye and a welcome, a closed door and the opening of a window. 

   Today I wish to celebrate you for the strength that you have shown in making that change a positive one; even if the change was not at your request but at the hands of someone else. 

     Some of us moved to a new country or a new state even a new city by the choice of others and had to learn about new rules, make new friends and go to new schools, new jobs because it served a benefit to the leading parties involved in the decision.

 Today I celebrate you because you learned to cope and make the best of the decision that brought you to where you are now. May you be blessed for the strength you have shown to make the best of a tough moment in your life; know that you are loved and that you are admired for your hard work and success in an environment that was completely different to what you were used to. 

Whether you went across town or across the ocean I salute you and bless you for making your new town your home. 

Moments In time

A moment in time is all we need to build a lasting memory.

Make sure that the memories you are making are the ones you want to come back to,  we are faced every second of the day with a million moments in time, but very few will be quite clear when we try to retrieve them.  therefore we must make a record of each and every moment that has just imprinted in our hearts.

I get teased for taking pictures of moments that are to others not quite special, but as I look back on some of this photos I find that I was right to take them as they now share the details of a story regarding reaction to a birthday gift, I truly believe that a photo album or a scrapbook holds more than just tidbits, you can open a page and retell a story,  I have been keeping a journal too as it absolutely can hold a story, a word, and even a picture, My journal entries are not daily, but they are frequent. give yourself a minute at night to record a moment in time, and come back to it later to find yourself smiling at the memory, we live in world of constant chaos and  change, it is a good idea to have a tidbit of a slow down moment (not so long ago) where we stopped to admire a butterfly.

Why Moments in time? because history is built of moments in time, good ones, bad ones and everything in between, therefore it is up to us to make sure that within all the moments that will be written in history our moment is the inspiring one, that one that holds hope and happiness.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein
Read more at:  https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/hope

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